Mark Gregston,  a nationally-known teen expert, and executive director of Heartlight Ministries, recently wrote a short column called ‘Life Rules for Teenagers.’  I wanted to share it with you.  Sometimes a good dose of reality is the best medicine for our boys.

Life Rules for Teenagers

Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase “It’s not fair” 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever.  When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.

Rule No. 2: The real world won’t care as much about your self-esteem as your school does. It’ll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it’s not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won’t make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won’t be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn’t have a Gap label.

Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait ’til you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he’s not going to ask you how you feel about it.

Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren’t embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule No. 6: It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of “It’s my life,” and “You’re not the boss of me,” and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it’s on your dime. Don’t whine about it, or you’ll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now.They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t. In some schools, they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone’s feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)

Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don’t get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we’re at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)

Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs.

Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you’re out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That’s what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for “expressing yourself” with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.

Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven’t seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school’s a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You’re welcome.

Brent

One of my favorite preachers is a man named Alistair Begg.  He is the pastor of a church in Cleveland, OH.  I am not sure if it his great preaching or the accent advantage he has (he is Scottish and sounds very cool).  Regardless, I podcast and listen to him as often as I can.  Recently, he preached a series on childrearing and ended one sermon with a list of character traits we need to teach our children based on the word RESPECT.  I wanted to share that with you here.

R—teach your children reverence for God.

E—teach them to be enthusiastic in fulfilling responsibility given to them.

S—teach them to be sympathetic toward the needs of others.

P—teach them to be prompt in all aspects of life.

E—teach them to be economical in all areas of life (waste not/want not).

C—teach them to be courageous in standing up for what is right.

T—teach them to be truthful in all aspects of life.

Pastor Begg went on to elaborate somewhat on each point, but I think you get the message even from the one-liners I have given you.  This is something we strive to do with the boys who come to Salem.  And like all parents, sometimes we do it well and sometimes we don’t.  But at all times we strive to do it with love, both compassionately and in a more confrontational way when necessary.

I have no great insights to share about this, I just thought it was very good and wanted to share it.  If you get a chance, take a listen to Pastor Begg.  I promise you will not be disappointed.

Brent

How has it been almost three months since I have written anything for this blog?  My apologies, but I will do better in the future.

Unfortunately, what brings me to write today is sad news.  If you are familiar with Salem at all, you realize how important animals are to us.  From the horses we have, to the ranch and our personal dogs, to the cats who roam the barn for mice, one of the things Salem is about is utilizing animals for the good of the ranch and the good of our boys.

One of those animals was a dog named Moses.  I say was because yesterday, Moses had to be put down.  Somehow he had ingested some wire and by the time the vet was able to open him and take a look, too much damage had been done.  The decision was made to humanely end his life.  He was brought back last night and buried in one of his favorite spots behind our barn.

Moses was a border collie who, depending on who you talk to, wandered onto the property from six to eight years ago, and so was probably about eleven or twelve years old.  No one is quite sure how he got here.  One day he wasn’t here and the next day he was.  And he had been here every since.  He was given the name Moses by someone because as the story goes, he has wandered onto the Promised Land, which in spite of what our boys may believe, is how we refer to Salem.

Moses was a true companion.  From walks or runs through the country roads, to helping get defiant boys out of cars, to just being around, Moses had this weird calming effect at Salem.  I am not sure how to describe it, except to say when Moses was around, you knew everything was going to be ok.

I also called Moses a warrior.  He was a dog that no matter the situation, just plowed through life.  He was an outside dog, so in these cold Illinois winters he would head to the barn and bury himself in the hay for the night.  During the hot summer days, we might find him wandering up at the end of the day soaking wet from laying the creek.  Moses was a survivor.  And that is a lesson we try to use with the boys.

I don’t what else to say other than when you think of Salem, you think of Moses.  That will be foreign to those unfamiliar with us, but for those who do know us, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Maybe that is what made him so special.

Brent

‘Hey guys, if someone dies in the living room, is it still called a living room?’  ‘Guys, why do they call it a haircut?  Shouldn’t it be called a hairscut?’  ‘How come a shipment goes by car, and cargo goes by ship?’  If you have heard of any of these really bad jokes before, don’t panic.  You have not gone back in time to some old Gallagher comedy show.  What you have heard are some of the puns that Mike Burnett keeps the kids at Salem rolling their eyes at.

Although they may act like they think Mike is crazy, and they tell him how bad his jokes are, the boys here really like Mike.  And what is not to like.  Mike pours his heart out to these guys as he tries to minister to them on a daily basis.  One the favorite staff of our boys, Mike is playful enough with them to keep them interested, and serious enough with them to get the important points of life lessons across to them.

Mike interacts with our guys on variety of levels.  He plays sports with them as he teaches them the finer points of each game and proper sportsmanship.  He helps coach most of our athletic teams and has the skill and knowledge to back up what he is trying to teach to them.  He plays board games and card games with them to keep them occupied on those lazy Saturdays, and occasionally even lets them win.  He is also there when a boy is having a hard day to encourage him and let him know that his family and God love him and want him to do well, and that the current trial they find themselves in will pass.

Mike also volunteers each and every holiday to take boys home with him who cannot go to their own homes for various reasons.  He brings them into his house and treats them like a member of his own family.  Mike is also very gracious in providing items at his own expense to our boys for Christmas presents, point auctions, and any other occasion that he may deem appropriate.

Thanks Mike, for being part of the Salem team.  We are very grateful to have you here.  You are a blessing to both staff and boys alike.

Brent

My goal as I have been writing to you about the staff who work here was to end with writing about one man who plays a vital role in everything that goes on here.  That would be the pastor of the church that we and our boys attend – Steve Estes.  That was my goal.  But it was not our Lord’s.  In His sovereignty, God saw fit to bring Steve home earlier than any of us wanted.  Steve passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in his home Saturday morning, December 19, 2009.  Below is his obituary as found in our local paper this morning.

GRIDLEY — Pastor Steven R. Estes, 53, of 4879E 1250N Road, Gridley, passed away at 9:35 a.m. Saturday (Dec. 19, 2009) at his residence.  His funeral will be at 10 a.m. Wednesday at Salem Church, rural Gridley. Pastor Mark Barlow will officiate. Burial will be in Oak Grove Cemetery, LeRoy. Visitation will be from 4 to 7 p.m. Tuesday at Salem Church. Ruestman-Harris Funeral Home, El Paso, is assisting the family with arrangements.

Steve was born Dec. 10, 1956, in Peoria, a son of James M. and Mary K. Forney Estes. He married Jacqueline S. Polson on Aug. 21, 1982, in Bloomington. She survives.  Survivors include his parents, James and Mary Estes of Graymont; two brothers, Timothy J. (Pamela) Estes of Dale City, Va., and Joseph M. Estes of Graymont; one sister-in-law, Jeralyn K. (Kevin) Morefield of Arrowsmith; seven nieces, Jazmine, Maya, Izabella, Lindsey, Raven and Katherine Estes, and Amanda Streenz; and three nephews, Tim, Justin and Jeff Morefield.  He was preceded in death by his maternal and paternal grandparents; one sister-in-law, Nancy Lynne Polson; and his father-in-law and mother-in-law, Jack and Ruth Polson.

Pastor Estes served at Boynton Mennonite Church, Hopedale, and later at Meadows Mennonite Retirement Community as chaplain. He was also interim pastor at Flanagan Mennonite Church and Praireview Mennonite Church, rural Flanagan. He was serving as senior pastor at Salem Church, rural Flanagan, and as chaplain at Meadows Mennonite Retirement Community. He authored over 12 books on Mennonite history.  He was a member of the Mennonite Genealogical and Historical Society, Flanagan Ministerial Alliance and Salem Ranch Board.

Steve was a joyful man of God and lived his life according to God’s word. He loved his wife, his family, God’s people and God’s glory. He was an encourager, a teacher, a preacher, and a compassionate, God-glorifying man. His passion for the Lord was deep and love for Jesus was great. Steve Estes will be deeply missed.  Memorial contributions may be directed to Salem Church, Meadows Mennonite Retirement Community or Salem Ranch.

Many things could be said about Steve, and will be said about him in the coming weeks and months, but two things are for sure.  Steve loved Jesus and he wanted you to love Jesus too.  Steve had a joy in his heart that can only come from a relationship with Christ.  And he shared that joy that was in heart with anyone who would listen.

Steve poured his life into everyone around him, because he truly loved people.  When you were with him, it was like you were the only person in the room.  All of his attention was on you, and how he could minister to you in Christ.  Steve exuded Christ.

Steve’s ministry was not limited to the church and local community.  Steve was integral to Salem.  He served on our board of directors.  He led chapel here for our boys on Wednesday afternoon and did the nightly devotion with them on Wednesday as well.  He spoke at every boy’s graduation and sent them off with prayer.  He was my friend.

We will miss you Steve.  You have left big shoes to fill.  But God is faithful and He will provide for us.  We just weren’t ready for you to be gone.

Brent

Perhaps there is no one person who sums up the ministry of Salem better than Ann Travers.  As is the case with many of the Salem staff, Ann wears more than one hat.  To begin with, she is one of our school teachers.  With a focus on Language Arts, art, poetry, current events, and creative writing, Ann ensures our boys maintain the skills needed to communicate effectively.  Many of our students under her tutelage have poems published in yearly editions of poetry books.  She maintains an orderly classroom and plays classical music throughout the day, ensuring a positive learning environment conducive to getting the best out of her students.

But that is not all.  Ann is also our lead horse instructor.  She is the one who teaches the boys, not only how to ride, but also how to groom, the different parts of a horse, proper care of the animals, and the overall welfare of the horses, which are also a big part of Salem.  Her love for these animals is very evident as one watches her train the boys in all aspects of horsemanship.

Additionally, because of the environment she finds herself in as classroom teacher and horse instructor, she also finds herself at times in the role of counselor.  Ann takes a no-nonsense approach with the boys, which is exactly what they need much of the time.  She is the first one to compliment them when they do well, and the first one to correct them when they are not working up to their potential.  Her approach can be like the gentlest of mothers, or with the firmness of a coach as the situation dictates.  But one thing is for certain; Ann loves these boys.  Day after day she pours her heart out to them in an effort to ensure their success once they leave Salem.

Thanks Ann for being part of the Salem team.  Your value here is without measure.  We are glad you have given yourself to minister to these boys.  It is very evident in the lives of our boys that your effort is not returning void.

Brent

One of the things we try to do at Salem is to model healthy marriages to our boys.  That is why we utilize a houseparent model.  We have one couple who work two nights a week and all day on Sunday.  With the addition of Joseph and Elizabeth Keen, we are now able to staff six nights a week in our phase 3-4 cottage with a married couple.

Joseph initially came to us in June and has worked as a residential counselor since then.  Elizabeth came on this month and the change has already been most positive.  Although only married for a couple of years, they bring a strong relationship and a desire to please the Lord to the boys at Salem.

Young and energetic, they are able to connect with boys on a personal level, while still maintaining a sense of order in the cottage.  Additionally, they provide a great example of a biblical marriage to the guys.  Our boys are able to see them formulate a plan, work together through an evening routine, resolve problems, and reach decisions in ways that, whether they have this situation at home or not, reinforces how to live life in the context of healthy functioning family system lived for the glory of God.

Additionally, Joseph is a founding pastor of a local church plant in our area and Elizabeth is preparing to go back to school for nursing, so they stay very busy; but never too busy for the needs of our boys.  Thanks Joseph and Elizabeth for being part of the Salem team.  We are very grateful to have you here.

Brent

Every organization needs a ‘techie.’  You know the guy.  The one who is up to date on the latest trends concerning the cultural, computer, entertainment, movie, sports, tv, etc. industries.  The one who seems to know what no one else knows regarding what young people are relating to today.  We have one too.  Ours is Adam Godfrey.

Adam is one of the counselors at Salem, has been with us for about a year and a half, and entered a whole new world when he came to Salem.  Adam came to us from Louisville, KY, where there is a little bit of everything, to Flanagan, where there are….cornfields.  He went from an environment where he was dodging sports cars to one where he is dodging tractors.  He traded in lattes for Folgers, and the neighborhood eclectic community for the Wal-Mart 12 miles away.  But we are glad we were able to steal him away from the city.

There are two main things I think of that Adam brings to Salem.  One is his knowledge of culture and the things that make up the world of the average teenage boy.  He can speak the language of today’s youth, which enables him to connect quickly with the boys who come to Salem.  I frequently find myself asking Adam who a certain person is or about a specific music artist that I have heard the boys mention because I don’t have a clue.

But secondly, Adam is able to take that entertainer, show, technological issue, etc, and bring it back to the Gospel.  He is able to help the boys see how the messages that are being put out in today’s culture are or are not in conflict with what is contained in Scripture.  This gives Adam a special audience with our boys, as they see him as ‘the cool guy’ in the midst of us ‘oldtimers.’  He communicates with them on their level, in a God-honoring, Christ-exalting way.  And the boys listen and their lives are changed.

Thanks Adam for being at Salem, for your ministry to the boys, and for helping us stay up to date with the world of our boys.  We are glad you’re here.

Brent

This past Saturday, our guys competed in the IIAA state soccer tournament.  The boys usually qualify for the state meet in about all the sports we compete in.  And we have won our share of state titles in the past in various sports.  But the soccer state title is something that has eluded us as long as we have been competing.  But Saturday, that changed as our boys finally won the title against the same team that usually eliminates us from competition.

Salem won the first game 3-0.  It was a good team effort against another team that, although who also put in a commendable effort, was out-manned from the beginning by our boys.  Our guys then had about 20 minutes to be ready for the next game.  Game 2 was a revenge match for the boys, playing against a team that gave them their only loss of the season.  After a scoreless first half, the boys got busy and scored three goals and held the other team scoreless to win 3-0 and avenge the loss from earlier in the season.

Once again, they had about 20 minutes to get themselves ready for the championship game against the perennial champion in this sport.  This is a team who we have had a great rivalry with over the last few years.  In fact, we defeated this team in the bottom of the seventh inning this summer to win the softball state.  We started strong, taking a 1-0 lead in the first half, which quickly became 2-0 early in the second half.  The opposing team did not give up though, scoring twice in the last few minutes of the game to send it to overtime.

One minute into the three-minute overtime, we scored to take a 3-2 lead, and were able to hang on for the last two minutes to claim the title.  It was a very exciting way to end a great day.  Congratulations to Corbin, Alex, Buck, Nick, Logan, Juan, Ronny, David, Jon, Ben, and Antonio.  You guys were great, you deserved to win, and you represented Salem well both in attitude and participation.

Brent

Once again, we had the opportunity to graduate one of our boys last week.  Chasen finished the program and went home for good after being here for 21 months, or as his mother put it at his graduation, 649 days.  It was a great celebration and an opportunity to send a young man off with great fanfare and a lot fun.

Chasen was not unlike many of the boys who come here.  Trouble at home, trouble in school, and by his own admission very lazy.  Much of Chasen’s progress at Salem seemed to have been the classic two steps forward and one step back.  But Chasen is also a very determined young man who never gave up.  He worked very hard and has some great dreams of what he would like to accomplish in the future.

There are many things that set Chasen apart, but let me mention two.  One was his smile.  Chasen was told more than once that he had a smile that would get him into and out of much trouble throughout his life.  You cannot help but smile yourself, when no matter what the situation, Chasen would interject some humor, smile and laugh, and things would be better.  We will miss his smile greatly.

The other thing was his humor.  Chasen is one of those kids who can get away with saying things no one else can say.  I am not sure how that works, but he has it down to a science.  During his time here, he frequently had some well-timed humor to make a bad situation bearable.

But one significant thing we take away from Chasen being here, is just how hard it is on the parents.  While we talked about his time here as ‘being a long time,’ or ‘months,’ his mother reminded us—649 days.  To her it was an eternity.  Every day was one day her son was not with her.  And it reminded us of the enormous task and privilege we have, and responsibility we carry, in ministering to these boys.

Chasen, you are an awesome kid and you will accomplish much in your life.  And Kim, thank you for sharing him with us and calling to mind our mission.  We will miss you both.

Brent